So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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