So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize