She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
