I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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