I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
