I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize