Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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