quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
