It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
