Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
