I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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