you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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