dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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