I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
