I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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