i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
