is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
