How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
