So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
