i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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