I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
