I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
