theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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