We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
