i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
he just fucked me for my cheese.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
