that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
