he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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