Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
