i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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