if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
