The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
