So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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