Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
