So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
