Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize