Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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