Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
