i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
