i don't like sucking hair
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
