I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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