ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
