I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
