and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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