6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
