im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
