Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
