I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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