I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
