Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
