Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize