you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
