Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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