What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Dick very happy bro
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
