Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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