i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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