just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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