I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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