Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
