no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
