i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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