I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I did not marry a roomba.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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