everyone is single if you try hard enough
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
