Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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