Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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