is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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